No Thanks

Have you ever found yourself so completely stressed out about something in your life and no matter what form of self care you practice (mediation, yoga, warm baths), you can’t shake the anxiety about this thing?  Maybe it’s a promotion at work, maybe it’s trying to cook healthier, maybe it’s a project you’re putting out into the world. 

The scale of the thing doesn’t matter.  What matters is that you’re attaching your worth to this thing so you’re constantly in a state of stress about it.  And man, am I ever guilty of this. 

In my self-care journey, I’ve learned so many things.  I’ve learned to take obligations off my plate, to prioritize rest, and that wellness in my life means not only treating my body well but also my mind and my spirit.  And that’s just to name a few!  But out of all of these stressors that I’ve removed, one of the biggest sources of stress in my life has remained: I can’t disassociate my worth from my achievements.

Starting year three of having my own business, I knew that for the sake of keeping this brand running, not to mention my wellbeing, I had to figure this out. I needed to truly believe that I was worthy on my own, because I showed up, not because what I achieved.  Because when I really rationalized, I knew that my achievements were based on so many factors, most of which had nothing to do with me or my worth.   

I’m not saying that I’ve found the magical worthy button that you can push to suddenly be filled with the peace and assurance that your best is good enough and that you’re innately worthy, but I have made a discovery.  My best attempts at “rest” and “relieving stress” were always in vain because I was doing them for the wrong reasons.  Any time I would take an action to serve myself, I always had an ulterior motive. 

I would meditate to try to turn off the anxious chatter in my head and work out to try to lose weight.  And although I knew that these things were good for me and made me feel better, a couple of hours later I was drowning in same stress that I was dealing with before.  My perspective hadn’t changed.  I was practicing self-care but I was still associating my worth with my successes and failures.  And no amount of yoga was going to relieve my biggest stressor and give me the peace that I so longed for.

So here’s the secret: don’t do yoga to be less stressed, don’t do the workout to lose weight, don’t meditate to calm your mind.  Do those things because you love yourself and you want to honor and serve your body and your mind. 

When the words you are worthy fall short, start proving them to yourself in your everyday actions.  Start treating yourself like you’re the most worthy human on this planet.  Start showing up every day for you, and doing things because they bring you joy (not because you’re trying to achieve a stress free existence, or anything else for that matter). 

Do them because you know you’re worthy of joy.  Celebrate yourself every single day, regardless of what you’ve achieved.  And that consistency, of loving yourself every day and taking small actions to honor your worth, will help you prove to yourself that you are innately worthy.  You don’t need your achievements to be worthy.

Once you start to truly understand this, your stressors hold so much less weight because achieving that thing doesn’t define you anymore.  And instead of being a desperate attempt at sanity, self-care becomes a way to really celebrate yourself and your worth. 

Wanna chat more about embracing our innate worth?


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